Saturday, October 20, 2012

Do Men and Women Really Communicate? (Unmasking the secret of a woman’s language)

It’s a universal question and a very tricky one. Do men and women really communicate? On one level, they do, since you would find men and women completely understanding each other. On the other hand, there are men and women, particularly couples who are in a constant state of misunderstanding one another, simply because one of the partners remains clueless as to what the other wants to convey. In this case, it’s on the level wherein the woman’s words have deeper meanings than what an “ordinary” man could fathom. It could be said that in most cases, a man wants things in “black and white” while a woman usually wants things in several shades or tints, even if it is just black and white.

Jealousy and Flirtation (by Haynes King, a French artist)
Women, in contrast to men, could be very ambiguous and it is for this reason why the famous line, “Women are from Venus and men are from Mars” somehow rings true. This basically translates to the fact that the unequivocal language of men is different from how women speak which often contains double meanings. This is rather confusing for guys and could certainly lead to a series of misunderstandings especially if you are not aware of the true complexity behind the women’s verbal and body language.

As a result, men have been stereotyped as the insensitive ones. Not that you can really blame them. It is just a matter of understanding both sexes the right way. Men are very easy to comprehend since they usually mean what they say while women most often prevaricate. So if you really want to know what is going on in the minds of women, then you need to recognize how they truly communicate by making a little bit of effort to study their ways and manners of speech. Here are some important and astonishing information about the language of women.

Verbal Communication

One of the most interesting things about women is that they always say something that means differently, which usually is the opposite of what they are actually saying. Their ambiguity is a skill that not many men could understand mainly because they do not think the same way. Men are very literal when it comes to interpreting what they hear while women construe it by analyzing what you say to them bit by bit as they give meaning to every little detail. Same goes with the way they speak. Their language has an underlying definition that you must know of if you really want to understand these women inside and out.
Portrait of a Woman (by Felix Widder, 1874 to 1939)    
·      I’m fine. This means that she does not want to open up and she’s starting to get irritated with you. She needs time to think things through so make sure you give her that, if you do not want to end up in a big argument.

·      Give me five minutes. This usually means another half hour of waiting. It is pretty much like your “be there in five minutes, honey” when you actually meant thirty minutes to an hour especially when you are stuck in traffic on the way home or if you are in the middle of watching a football game.

·      Nothing. When you hear this word from her, then you might want to be careful of your actions because this means that you did something wrong and she’s just thinking about how to deal with you and what you have done. It could even mean that she’s gearing up for an argument.

·      Go ahead. This particular statement is not a permission. You have to look at her face when she utters those words. If her eyebrows are raised, it is actually a dare whether or not you have the guts to do what she asked you not to do. If her eyebrows are in their usual position, then you could take it to mean that she’s given up and that she does not care what you do. However, you should not be complacent since she could raise her eyebrows after a while.

·      That’s okay. This phrase usually means that she is not all right and that she needs some time to think about what she’s going through. Be wary because you might be in for some retribution. This words could be paired with “Fine,” raised eyebrows followed by “Go ahead.”

·      Sighs during arguments. Now these verbal gestures are also things to be wary of. While in the middle of an argument and you hear the woman give out a loud sigh, this usually means that she’s getting irritated as you are being an idiot at that time and thinking what she’s doing wasting her time arguing with you. If it is a soft sigh, you can breathe a sigh of relief, as this usually means that she’s satisfied or mollified. But then again, be sure not to walk away and stay where you are so peace will reign. If she says, “Thanks a lot” after heaving a loud sigh, it means that she’s really ticked off.

·      Oh. Now, with this very short word, when followed by any other statement, especially a drawn out one when the two of you are having a serious talk or argument is a sign that you should either leave the room or your house. It is best that you get away as fast as you can. It could mean that she caught you in whatever lie you wove. She may not lock you out of the house but you could be sure that you would be given the silent treatment for at least a couple of days.

·      Please do. Rejoice a bit when you hear her say these words, as this means that she is giving you the chance to explain. Just make sure that you tell the truth, since this is a test of your sincerity.

·      Thanks. Now this is a word that you should be waiting for. Take it at its face value because this means that the woman is actually thanking you. Just say, “You’re welcome” and you’ll be all right.

Visual Communication

Portrait of a Woman (by an unknown artist)
Also known as body language, women tend to communicate a lot through their actions and you would be surprised to find out how direct their signals could be as soon as you know how to correctly interpret their visual movements. As a matter of fact, their bodies are more comprehensible when it comes to how they want to come across compared to their words which could be difficult to decipher due to their enigmatic undertones. So the trick to understanding women is by carefully observing them on how they conduct themselves.

·      The Beautiful Coquette. A woman can be such a tease especially when she finds a man attractive. More often than not, she would try to get his attention through a behavior that could only be described as flirtatious. Some are obvious while others can be really subtle. A woman is flirting when she does frequent eye contact with you from across the room. She would also smile at you for no reason at all and she tends to giggle or laugh out loud every time you say something that is supposedly funny.

Portrait of a Woman (by Ferenc Innocent, 1859-1934)    
A girl who is leaning towards you while you converse with each other is a flirty way of showing how interested she is with you. You might likewise notice that she fidgets a lot. She would always tinker with her accessories, try to smoothen her dress or fix her hair. This is because she is feeling very nervous and excited when she’s with you and she needs to do something that would release this tension. You might also find her resting her hand on her neck or quickly touching her cheek. These are unconscious signs of how she would like you to endearingly touch those areas.

·      The Ice Princess. Although women could be very flirty and sexy, they are also capable of being a snob if they wanted to, especially when they do not have any interest on the person they are with. A girl is just not into you if you see her not making eye contact or even if she does, she would not smile but instead frown, which is usually followed by a nostalgic sigh.

 Portrait of a Woman (by Bertalan Székely, 1835-1910)
You would discover that her arms are folded or crossed as she leans as far away from you as possible. Her replies are concise and to the point, prodding you to continue the conversation with a new topic. She won’t be attentive to the things that you say so she would probably not laugh at your jokes mainly because she’s simply not listening.

·      The Confused Damsel. Women are commonly likened to the weather due to their incessant fickleness that never fails to befuddle and cause migraines to a lot of men. However, these perplexing inconsistencies are often not intentional. Since they speak with their bodies, expect to see mixed signals such as staring at you for a long time then suddenly looking away or acting sweet and bubbly then abruptly being quiet and a bit cranky. It is also normal for them to lean closely towards you but when you start to mirror their action, they would immediately lean back.
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This behavior is a combination of being the beautiful coquette and the ice princess. More often than not, this woman is just as bewildered or as confused as much as you are. This only means that she’s in a dither and that she needs more time to figure out what she thinks of you. Be patient and she will soon come around.

·      The Tempestuous Lady. Anger is one of the most obvious emotions that everyone could easily determine but you must also know that ladies have a variety of attitudes that could lead them to a choleric outburst if you are not being too cautious. Not all women would deliberately scream at you in rage. There are some quiet ones that would simply stop interacting with you. You must carefully observe them when you are experiencing this kind of coldness because there is a big chance that a woman is angry about something. These symptoms include clenched jaws and fists, crossed arms, irritability, impatience, and a snobby head tilt.

The main purpose of knowing these things is for you to be able to further understand how women think. This way, you could maintain a more open relationship with the opposite sex because communication would not be a problem anymore.

Portrait of a Young Couple (by Christoffel Pierson, 1631–1714)
You might think that this is too much and ask why you have to endure these things. Frustrating, isn’t it? But that is just the way most women are. Rarely would you find a woman who’s on the exact same level as you are, thinking and speaking like a man does, but they do exist. You’ll be very lucky if you meet one and hit it off right away. However, isn’t life more fun and exciting when you are kept on your toes? With some patience and practice (tongue in cheek), you’ll find out what makes women tick, but here’s to hoping that your life would not be dull when you’ve reached that stage.

However, things could get difficult if you are trying to comprehend a woman who is not of the same nationality and who speaks a different language. Although the language of women is universal, the actual language that she speaks is not, so you might want to make sure that you first understand her idioms, expressions and her culture as accurately as possible before you even try to interpret her verbal and non-verbal communication ways.


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